The Twelve Commandments of Parenting Older Adopted Children

Children who are older when adopted are at heightened risk of disruption or dissolution.  They bring life experiences and trauma to the family which have to be navigated carefully.  However, it is possible for an older adoptee integrate into the new family. Dr. Gary Matloff, a licensed psychologist and nationally certified school psychologist, wrote an insightful article entitled, "The Twelve Commandments of Parenting Older Adopted Children" which provides some solutions for this process. Note that not all twelve commandments will be mentioned in the blog, just the ones we wanted to highlight.  There is a link at the bottom if you wish to read the entire article.



Abandonment should never be threatened 

                                       -It only reinforces fear and non-acceptance, and leads to the child's mindset                                            of "I'll reject you first".  These children challenge their parents not because                                       they want to leave, but because they want their parents to prove they are wanted.

Embrace Structure

                                       - Having a consistent routine provides the child with security and                                                           predictability.  If the rules are firmly in place, the child can begin to alter                                               his/her behavior.

Maintain honesty in all their relations with their child

                                       -Authentic relationships between people must be anchored by genuineness                                             and sincerity.  When you remain open and honest with your child they                                                   subsequently maintain their integrity and trustworthiness. Being realistic is a                                         must, as they will hold you to whatever you say.  They have experienced                                           disappointment so you must be careful of making unrealistic promises.

Check back

                                        -Often an older child will have a difficult time feeling like they are a part of                                           the family. It is important that you beat them to the emotional punch. Take                                           the initiative, rather than just expect there will be some sort of                                                           acknowledgement.  Parents should develop a ritual of hugs, a wave and  a last                                               look whenever there is separation from the child.

Time-in rather than Time-out

                                       -A time in might mean the child sits at the kitchen table while you cook, or                                            must do chores instead of being sent to their room.  Being isolated from the                                          parent reinforces their feelings of being rejected.

Pick your battles

                                     - Refrain from making an issue over something that cannot or does not need to                                      be controlled.

Keep it in perspective

                                 -Children's behavior shouldn't be taken personally, even when addressed                                                  specifically to the parent.

Forgive and Forget

                                -When the conflict is over, it is essential to forgive and forget.  Forgetting is                                         important in order to simply move on.

Link to Full Article

Drafted by Brittany Alness, staff member of the Law Offices of Karen S. Law, PLC.
Disclaimer

This web site and the information contained within have been prepared by Law Offices of Karen S. Law, PLC for informational purposes only and does not constitute legal advice. This information is not intended to create, nor does receipt of it constitute an attorney-client relationship. Viewers should not act upon information found here without seeking legal counsel. All photographs shown on this blog are depictions of clients and are not actual clients of this law firm. Copyright Karen S. Law, 2014.

Adoption....From the eyes of a child

When adopting a child, there is always so much excitement, happiness and energy that surround the process.  Dreams come true, people become parents, and children gain a stable and loving family.  What is often overlooked is the child's perspective.

We have to go into adoption knowing that we need to focus primarily on the child's perspective.  Of course, being adopted is a big change in the child's life.  He will hopefully receive lots of love, new extended family members for support, and a sense of security and stability through the adoption. But, we need to understand that there is no happy way to get to the point of adoption. Every child's adoption has a back-story, and that back-story includes loss and grief.  The reasons that the child was available for adoption will be complex and the child may struggle with feelings of abandonment and rejection.  If the child is originally from a different country, there is the extra layer of loss of his larger cultural community and customs. We must be sensitive to this grief and loss and try to understand so that we know how to help our adopted child through the hard times he has faced in his life. The child will process these feelings throughout his lifetime and we need to educate ourselves as to how to respond in healthy and affirming ways.  We also need to know about post adoption support resources in our community that can bring a larger world view and context to the adoption experience for the child.  

Below is a two-part link that will lead you to a story from a young adopted woman's perspective.  Kristina is an unusual young woman who seems at peace with her adoption experience.  We know that every adoption story is unique and we hope you enjoy reading about Kristina's journey.

Http://hopeathomeblog.blogspot.com/2011/05/adopted-childs-perspective-on-adoption.html

http://hopeathomeblog.blogspot.com/2011/05/adopted-childs-perspective-kristina.html

Drafted by Brittany Alness, staff member of the Law Offices of Karen S. Law, PLC.

Disclaimer This blog and the information contained within have been prepared by Law Offices of Karen S. Law, PLC for informational purposes only and do not constitute legal advice. This information is not intended to create, nor does receipt of it constitute an attorney-client relationship. Viewers should not act upon information found here without seeking legal counsel. All photographs shown on this web-site are depictions of clients and are not actual clients of this law firm. Copyright Karen S. Law, 2015

Adoption Law: Start to Finish

Adoption Law: Start to Finish

Sign up for this live seminar on January 27, 2015 for 9am-4:30pm!

Location:

Hilton Garden Inn Fairfax3950 Fair Ridge Dr.Fairfax, VA 22033 

Program Description

Ensure a Smooth Path to a New Life

Adoption is an emotional process for all the parties involved. Are you prepared to assist and guide your clients through this highly emotional time in their lives? Whether you represent the birth parents or the adoptive parents, our faculty will update you on the latest adoption laws, help you understand various procedures and requirements, and give you the background you need to handle adoption cases without unnecessary delays, ethical problems, or surprises. Enroll today!

• Get all the adoption assistance available for your clients, including tax credits and allowable expenses.
• Advise wisely on the differences between licensed agencies and facilitators.
• Find out what the judges are looking for in the adoption process.
• Get practical tips for home study investigations in domestic and intercountry adoptions.
• Ensure clients are adhering to the Interstate Compact on the Placement of Children.
• Find out how the latest Supreme Court cases and adoption decisions are likely to affect your future cases.
• Avoid problems when dealing with U.S. Citizenship and Immigration Services when adopting an international child by knowing what to expect ahead of time.
• Prepare for problems such as third-party challenges and dissolution of adoption.
• Advise clients knowledgeably with an understanding of current adoption law.
• Tackle sensitive ethical issues and other problems that are unique in adoption situations.

Who Should Attend

This basic-to-intermediate level seminar is designed for professionals who want to learn more about adoption laws and proceedings. Those who should attend include:

• Attorneys
• Paralegals
• Adoption Agency Employees
• Social Workers
• Counselors

Course Content

1. Introduction: Overview of Adoption Options
2. Parental Placement Adoptions
3. Home Study Investigations
4. Agency Adoptions
5. What the Judges are Looking for
6. Interstate Adoptions and Federal Legislation
7. Supreme Court Cases and Adoption Decisions
8. Intercountry Adoption
9. Contested Adoptions
10. Ethics

Click on the link below to register today!

http://www.nbi-sems.com/Details.aspx/R-67843ER%7C?ctname=SPKEM

National Adoption Month

Happy National Adoption Month!

In case you didn’t know, November is National Adoption Awareness Month! The first major effort to raise awareness of adoption was in 1976 in Massachusetts. It started as just as a week but then, in 1990, it became a month long celebration.

               

During this month, the nation, states, and communities celebrate this positive way to build families.  There are many events planned throughout the month such as judicial ceremonies, dinner recognitions and banquets.  The Loudoun Chapter of the Virginia Women Attorneys Association and the Loudoun County Department of Family Services sponsors National Adoption Day here in Loudoun where families who are formed through adoption are recognized each year.  I am proud to co-chair this recognition ceremony. It is such a joyous and remarkable celebration seeing how these families have been formed. Many times, the children has been through a long and difficult journey of abandonment, abuse or neglect.  The foster parents have worked with social workers and counselors to bring healing and wholeness.  Then, as the legal process is complete and the foster parents adopt the child during the National Adoption Day ceremony, it brings tears to the eyes of the professionals in the courtroom to see the formation of a forever family after years of struggle.  

Other adoptive families at Loudoun Adoption Day have different stories.  The adoption could be that of a stepparent who has acted as the real parent for many years.  It is a joyous moment to see the big smile on the child's face as that reality is recognized by the law and the child receives the same last name as the rest of the family.

Even if you haven't adopted, you can celebrate National Adoption Month in November.  It doesn't have to be elaborate-- it could be something simple such as renting a DVD that portrays adoption in a positive light. Some suggestions from Adoptive Families Magazine are: Meet the Robinsons, The Tigger Movie, Despicable Me, Moonrise Kingdom or, as the holidays are approaching, Elf.

Adoption is such a a wonderful way to build a family and we all know people who have adopted or been adopted. It should be honored, acknowledged, and celebrated. Every adoption has its own special and unique story. 

Drafted by Brittany Alness, staff member of the Law Offices of Karen S. Law, PLC.
Disclaimer

This blog and the information contained within have been prepared by Law Offices of Karen S. Law, PLC for informational purposes only and does not constitute legal advice. This information is not intended to create, nor does receipt of it constitute an attorney-client relationship. Viewers should not act upon information found here without seeking legal counsel. All photographs shown on this blog are depictions of clients and are not actual clients of this law firm. Copyright Karen S. Law, 2014.

"Re-Homing" of adopted children is Child Abandonment

There has been lots of attention on this topic from Reuters article. The article highlights several disturbing situations where desperate adoptive parents who have had serious problems with their newly adopted children have placed the children without legal safeguards with predators.  The new families were not properly screened, no legal procedures were followed, and the children were unknowingly placed into dangerous situations. Although the article seems to imply that this practice is widespread based on unproven statistics, it does raise serious concerns which should be addressed. 

I am a member of the American Academy of Adoption Attorneys (AAAA). AAAA has formed a working group to address this issue.

It is critical to use the correct terminology to describe the break-up of a family and the transfer of a child to a second family. The current popular term of "re-homing" is a misnomer. It has recently been used by the media to describe the transfer of adopted children from the guardianship of their parents without the approval of the courts or public child welfare agencies, and with a negative connotation. However, "re-homing" could include the successful transfer of a child to a second family if all proper safeguards, procedures, or approvals have been obtained. The accurate term to describe this situation where a child, either adopted or biological, is placed at risk by his or her parents, and as defined by state welfare agencies throughout the country, is "child abandonment" which is fully addressed under existing laws in every state.


For consistency and accuracy when dealing with these issues, "re-homing" should not be used, and the following terminology should be employed:
Adoption Disruption - this occurs when an intervening event prevents an adoption from being finalized.
Adoption Dissolution - this occurs when events cause an adoption after it is finalized to dissolve.
Child Abandonment - this occurs as defined under existing state law, and which may include placing a child at risk by transferring the child to another family without employing the proper safeguards, or going through the appropriate legal process.

A Senate hearing to investigate child abandonment was held on July 8, 2014.  AAAA has prepared draft testimony in connection with this hearing.  Here is a summary of our proposed remarks:

(Draft) Testimony of the American Academy of Adoption Attorneys (AAAA)

.........A recent survey of AAAA Fellows revealed that the frequency of post-adoption dissolution – cases in which parents conclude they are unable to successfully raise an adopted child – is extremely low when compared to the total number of adoptions. Nevertheless, making sure that the child or children in such cases are protected and are placed with secondary families in a secure and permanent home is essential. Involvement by AAAA Fellows has gone a long way to help achieve this goal.

The term “re-homing,” more commonly used by pet owners seeking new homes for their animals, has recently been used to describe the transfer of adopted children from the guardianship of their parents without the approval of the courts or public child welfare agencies, and with a negative connotation. A more accurate term to describe these situations where a child, either adopted or biological, is placed at risk by his or her parents, is “child abandonment.”

Recent media attention on post-adoption child abandonment has prompted AAAA to establish a committee of experts to consider the issue as well as  what potential legislative opportunities might exist to address it. While no state or federal law specifically prohibits parents from seeking to place their child or children with a new family, the AAAA committee of experts on the topic has found that if it is not done appropriately and with proper safeguards, these actions can be equated to child abandonment, which is fully addressed under existing laws in every state.

The correct lens by which to judge any proposed policy or legislation which attempts to curtail child abandonment, whether of a biological child or of an adopted child, must always be the best interests of the child. While certain concrete steps can be taken to address this issue, AAAA cautions against new and broad federal regulation. Such measures have the potential to stifle legitimate independent, non-agency adoption, thereby making adoption unaffordable for many loving families, and to eliminate many appropriate placements of children by state agencies from foster care through the internet and other public domains.........

We must protect adopted children but we have to be careful not to overregulate. Overregulation might lead to a decline in placing children into appropriate homes.

Drafted by Brittany Alness, staff member of the Law Offices of Karen S. Law, PLC.
Disclaimer

This blog and the information contained within have been prepared by Law Offices of Karen S. Law, PLC for informational purposes only and does not constitute legal advice. This information is not intended to create, nor does receipt of it constitute an attorney-client relationship. Viewers should not act upon information found here without seeking legal counsel. All photographs shown on this blog are depictions of clients and are not actual clients of this law firm. Copyright Karen S. Law, 2014.

2014 updated tax credit to make adoption affordable

Making Adoption Affordable

Federal Tax Credit

There is help available.  The federal Adoption Tax Credit provides up to $13,190 for qualifying expenses paid to adopt an eligible child in 2014.  The credit is indexed for inflation and will increase annually.  Eligible expenses include adoption fees, court costs, attorney fees, traveling expenses (including amounts spent for meals and lodging) and other expenses directly related to your adoption.  There is an income limit for this credit.  See www.irs.gov, for the forms and additional information.                      

Corporate Matching Gifts

Further, many large employers offer adoption assistance.  See htttp://benefits.adoption.com/ for a list of employers.  Those payments may qualify for exclusion from your income for tax purposes in addition to the federal tax credit.  You may exclude up to $13,190 from your income in 2014.  So, for example, if your employer offers adoption assistance payments of $5,000 and your total adoption related expenses were $18,190, you could claim $13,190 as a tax credit AND exclude $5,000 from your income.  However, if your total expenses were $13,190, you could not take the credit and the exclusion-the same expenses cannot be counted twice.  The income limits for the tax credit also apply to the exclusion.













Drafted by Brittany Alness, staff member of the Law Offices of Karen S. Law, PLC.
Disclaimer
This web site and the information contained within have been prepared by Law Offices of Karen S. Law, PLC for informational purposes only and does not constitute legal advice. This information is not intended to create, nor does receipt of it constitute an attorney-client relationship. Viewers should not act upon information found here without seeking legal counsel. All photographs shown on this web-site are depictions of clients and are not actual clients of this law firm. Copyright Karen S. Law, 2013.

 

Accuracy for Adoptees Act

AAAA Hails Senate and House Enactment of Accuracy for Adoptees Act


December 30, 2013 ---- Signed by President Obama January 16, 2014

The American Academy of Adoption Attorneys ("AAAA") proudly announces the enactment of S.1614, the Accuracy for Adoptees Act. This bill, conceived and shepherded through the House and Senate by AAAA and concerned families, helps adoptive children who had been given inaccurate birthdates abroad. This is a common problem when children are abandoned at orphanages without any birth record. When U.S. adoptions are processed, the foreign country assigns a "best guess" birth date that is then used in processing adoption and immigration paperwork. These birth dates can sometimes be vastly inaccurate. While there is an existing state court process in the U.S. where these families can present medical, educational, and dental evidence to support a request for an amended date of birth that is appropriate for the child’s true age, U.S. agencies will not accept these amended dates. As a result these children end up with two different dates of birth – one on their federal documents (e.g. passport, social security card) and the new date on their state documents (e.g. birth certificate, driver’s license). This creates a multitude of problems as these children age, from improper school placement, inability to get a passport, and even accusations of identity fraud when two different dates of birth exist for one child.

The Accuracy for Adoptees Act solves these problems by requiring federal agencies to recognize amended birth dates as issued by state courts. This bill removes the bureaucracy, red tape, and endless dead ends that these families currently face.

Karen S. Law, adoption attorney in Ashburn, VA and Co-Chair of AAAA’s international adoption subcommittee, writes, "I started noticing what an unimaginable hardship this was causing for children and families – and the more I talked with my colleagues, the more I became aware of its breadth. Many of these children had suffered horrific loss and pain, and then arrive in the U.S. to become victims of a bureaucratic process with no right answer. I am so proud to have been able to contribute to this legislation which will finally give these children and their families some peace of mind."

The bill was conceived of by AAAA members who had faced this issue and its long term consequences time and time again. In an effort to protect these children, AAAA partnered with adoption champions Senators Klobuchar (D-MN) and Blunt (R-MO) who introduced the bill in the Senate. The bill was cosponsored by Senators Enzi, Landrieu, Barrasso, Durbin, Rubio, Vitter, Flake, Boozman, Kirk, Leahy, Inhofe and McConnell. The U.S. Senate has passed only 111 bills this Congress and the Accuracy for Adoptees Act is one of them. Of these 111, 16 rename federal facilities. In the House, Representative Lamar S. Smith (R-TX), was instrumental in moving this bill to passage by unanimous consent on December 23, 2013.

Donald Cofsky, President of AAAA, writes, "I am extremely pleased and proud that the U.S. Senate has passed, with bi-partisan support, this commonsense legislation – placing adoptive families and children ahead of partisan politics. We owe immense thanks to all of the bill’s cosponsors for their dedication to adoptive families and for their tireless efforts in ushering this bill through the Senate. I cannot overstate the importance of this legislation and the positive impact that it will have on adopted children and their families."

Drafted by Brittany Alness, staff member of the Law Offices of Karen S. Law, PLC.

Disclaimer

This web site and the information contained within have been prepared by Law Offices of Karen S. Law, PLC for informational purposes only and does not constitute legal advice. This information is not intended to create, nor does receipt of it constitute an attorney-client relationship. Viewers should not act upon information found here without seeking legal counsel. All photographs shown on this web-site are depictions of clients and are not actual clients of this law firm. Copyright Karen S. Law, 2013.