I'm often asked how
adoptive parents and birth parents connect with each other. If they are
not matched though a licensed agency, how do they meet and determine that they
would like to proceed with a direct parental placement or independent adoption?
I have found the number
one way that adoptive parents and birth parents connect is through word of
mouth. A common example is that the adoptive parents had let it be known
that they were interested in adopting and someone in their circle of friends or
acquaintances learned of a birth mother who was exploring adoption.
Other tips include
sending out your profile to adoption attorneys who connect directly with birth
parents. If you do that, you could find the list of reputable adoption
attorneys at www.adoptionattorneys.org. Narrow down your
mailing to attorneys in the state where you live or where you have other ties.
If the adoption occurs across state lines, you will be staying in the
state where the child is born until the birth parent(s) have executed their
consents and permission has been obtained for the adoption to occur across
state lines through the ICPC clearance process. This might be where your
relatives reside or a state you lived in previously where you still have a lot
of connections.
It is good to send hard
copies of your profile book which does not contain your identifying information
(See our earlier blog post from 2013 on Creating an Adoption Profile) Along with the book, you should provide a cover letter which has your
best contact information, the name of your attorney and their contact
information. If you would like to be notified before your profile book is
shown, you would also make that request in the letter.
Some additional tips can
be found in this excellent article from Creating a Family:
Although the article
uses the word “advertising” because that is how people search for this
information, there is something inherently dehumanizing about using this word
in relation to a woman in crisis. As you follow the tips, keep in mind
that this is a human being we are talking about, and a person that may well be
in your life for life. Proceed with respect and compassion.
·
Notify your
personal network of family and friends that you are interested in adopting and
would appreciate them keeping you in mind if they hear of an opportunity to
discuss adoption with an expectant parent. Ask them to spread the word to their
circle of friends. We recommend sending a letter via old fashion mail.
Letters are infrequent enough now to stand out as something important. You may
want to follow up with an email to make it easier to include a link to your
adoption website. See below.
·
Think through in advance
about the need to strike the balance between your need for privacy and your
need to spread the word. In order to cast your net wide, you will need to
share your adoption journey.
·
Do not send out a mass
mailing to people you do not know asking them about a potential match. It will
likely just end up in the trash.
·
You must talk with your
adoption agency or adoption attorney about what type of adoption advertising
your state allows. If you need help finding an adoption agency, check out the
resources at the Creating a Family Choosing an
Adoption Agency page. If you need help finding an adoption
attorney, check out the American Academy of AdoptionAttorneys:
·
Set up a website for
your adoption journey. Keep it simple. Include photos and your adoption
profile. Although certainly not necessary, you may want to include a
blog, but you will want to be circumspect about how much of your impatience and
frustration you want to share. Do not spend a lot of money on setting up
this website. It need not be fancy. You likely will not get many hits, so
this should not be where you spend the bulk of your money.
·
Make up some inexpensive
business style cards with your name, a photo, your situation (for example:
“Longing to be parents through open adoption”), your website URL, and your
contact information. Hand them out if you strike up a conversation with someone
and this topic is mentioned and they seem interested.
·
Use the internet and
online social networks to spread the word that you are looking to adopt.
Most people now use the internet as their primary way of gathering information.
Endless possibilities including Facebook, Myspace, Twitter, YouTube, and parent
profile type sites. See the Top Ten Tips for Using the Internet to Find Prospective
Birth Mothers and our Do’s and Don’ts for Social Networking for Adoption.
·
Print advertising is not
dead. Post ads in rural shopping guides, Penny Pinchers, daily newspapers in
college towns, give-away newspapers, etc. Get suggestions from your adoption
agency or adoption attorney about what states you should focus on when
advertising outside of your state.
·
Place notices on
bulletin boards where expectant moms may be. Keep in mind that many women
consider adoption due to financial difficulties, so focus on places where
poorer women may be, such as Laundromats, grocery stores, libraries, beauty
parlors, and trailer parks. Always ask permission before posting.
What
about using a facilitator?
A facilitator is a non-licensed agency or individual that you pay a fee
to for birth parent advertising. Payments to facilitators (non-licensed
agencies) are illegal in many states and you may find yourself unable to
finalize an adoption if you employ a facilitator. There are also higher
rates of fall throughs for placements made through facilitators. This is
because the birth parents have not received adequate in person counseling and
are not truly prepared to make an adoption plan. For a longer discussion
of this topic, see the NCFA article I co-authored, The Role of Facilitators in
Adoptions, Adoption Advocate, Issue 70. https://www.adoptioncouncil.org/resources/adoption-advocate/2?
Drafted
by Brittany Alness, staff member of the Law Offices of Karen S. Law, PLC.
Disclaimer
This blog and the information contained within
have been prepared by Law Offices of Karen S. Law, PLC for informational
purposes only and does not constitute legal advice. This information is not
intended to create, nor does receipt of it constitute an attorney-client
relationship. Viewers should not act upon information found here without
seeking legal counsel. All photographs shown on this web-site are depictions of
clients and are not actual clients of this law firm. Copyright Karen S. Law,
2015
