Adoptive Families has highlighted several personal stories of prospective parents and their grief of when a birth mother has a "change of heart" and decides to parent the child instead of going through the adoption process. They put together a system of how to cope with the loss. Here are some insights from this valuable article:
Take time to grieve- Allow yourself to go through the stages of grief. If you can take time off work and if you don't want to answer the many questions people will ask, share with a friend and have them get the word out before you return.
Accept help- This is an extremely emotional time, open up to your trusted friends and family.
Talk to a mental health professional- Make sure to find someone that specializes in grief, loss, infertility etc.
Realize that people grieve in different ways- It's okay if you feel like you can't go back to work yet,but your spouse may be able to. Everyone has their own time and way to deal with the loss and the healing process.
Don't try to figure it out- You can never know the exact reasons for things that happen, so don't exhaust yourself trying to figure out why.
Deal with the child's room in your own way- There is no right or wrong way; if you choose to sit in the room everyday or if you pick to keep the door closed and not go in, you do what you need to do to cope and heal.
Get out of the house- Getting out of the house and doing things is therapeutic, such as going to see a movie, going on a walk, finding a hobby, or getting back to an activity you once enjoyed.
Express your feelings- Writing in a journal can help you deal more effectively with your feelings.
Have a closing conversation with your agency or attorney- They will be able to help you with any residual questions you might have.
Go slow in resuming the adoption process- If this is something you truly want, give yourself the time to heal before starting up the process again.
All information from this blog was taken directly from the Adoptive Families website.
Drafted by Brittany Alness, staff member of the Law Offices of Karen S. Law, PLC.
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